4.5 years and its just over? Just like that? Hmm. Someone else? I dont know. Im very hurt tho. . . Let me break down the scenario and you please please tell me if im CRAZY!
My tire has been low for about 3 days and he told me to put air in it...well of course i didnt, being the wussy girl I tend to be with stuff like that I am driving home and get a flat with my kids in the car! I call him up...he is rude and hangs up on me!! He is mad at me!!! Lucky strangers stop n help me, and fix it right up, then i go home and he has attitude still. So i call him on it...i say what the hizeck! Why did you hang up on me in that stressful situation I needed you! He said its your fault for not listening to me and getting air and im sick of bailing your ass out. .... hmm... okay...NOW IM LIVID.
EVERYTHING that has been building up I just let it go and im not very nice...ill save you the details but i think i went over board...thats not really me to be all crazy like that but i really had no control ....the thin line between love and hate is so true...at that moment I felt like I hated him even tho I love him...if that makes sense...
well N E Ways...he puts his clothes on and leaves me. im devastated. he tells me this is it im not coming back. I act tuff and say fine. I IM him when he is wherever he is and he tells me i hold him back from being his self and from doing things he wants!!! Yet he never wants to do anything with me anymore and we use to be best friends, inseperable, and i feel like im on the outside looking in and im not welcome. i told him i get it, i dont want to be that chick that makes her man feel uncomfortable to be hiself ya know. ...
So now what? Well its 1am and im blogging and my bed is empty and my heart is broken. I think maybe I should toughen it up and let him be him and be free. I think that im not really his type, he doesnt want the same things i want in life, and im just not making him happy anymore. he use to prefer to be with me, now he does all he can to be away, and ive been doing my best not to say a word but its never good enough.
ugh i hate my life. i know he doesnt want me anymore and i have to let go and be strong but it is not easy. i miss him. :'(
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Not as crazy today LOL
Well I dont feel as baby crazy today lol... im kind of feeling like i just got to accept it ya know? We moved to the new house, its okay, it feels weird i miss my old home :( Kids are whining they dont want to go to the new school....i feel guilty for making them switch next year but i know how kids are and within the first few weeks they would be begging to never leave that school...
not feeling to well lately, not sure if its depression or what, just dont really feel like myself. (def not prego lol)... i just feel almost as if i have been shut down and pushed away so much that i kind of feel like my soul has given up ..like i have no fight left in me and im just reserved to accept life as is. maybe ill never have my baby and i should just move on ya know? i dunno, for now im dropping it because it hurts too much. . . .
Other than that not much else new, for those of you out there who have boyfriends who have kids and you have the "baby mama drama" lol how do you deal with it???!!! UGH I want to smack the shiz out his baby mama haha... since we moved we thought we would be nice and offered her her sons bed since it is bigger than the one he has now ( almost 5 & still in a toddler bed wtf??) and a big box of his toys so my boyfriend takes it over and carries it upstairs to her APARTMENT mind you, and she use to be lazy i guess and not clean or anything so he was shocked to see her house was clean and he said oh you have a nice place, and she said...well thats what happens when you go to college and work hard.... and I am pissed at him CUZ HE DIDNT SAY SHIT!!!! He should have said yamp you live in an apartment, make 12$ hour and im doing you a favor we live in a HOUSE and raise 4 kids just fine... but of course the men never say the things we want them to, they just let it roll off their backs and it makes us crazy! Sometimes I just want to blow up for him i dont know how he deals with them and me haha....poor guy, id go insane already.
Well thats it for today guys, ill catch up later, for now im going to do my best to keep the baby talk under wraps, its to hard and i cant take much more rejection...
ttyl8r
not feeling to well lately, not sure if its depression or what, just dont really feel like myself. (def not prego lol)... i just feel almost as if i have been shut down and pushed away so much that i kind of feel like my soul has given up ..like i have no fight left in me and im just reserved to accept life as is. maybe ill never have my baby and i should just move on ya know? i dunno, for now im dropping it because it hurts too much. . . .
Other than that not much else new, for those of you out there who have boyfriends who have kids and you have the "baby mama drama" lol how do you deal with it???!!! UGH I want to smack the shiz out his baby mama haha... since we moved we thought we would be nice and offered her her sons bed since it is bigger than the one he has now ( almost 5 & still in a toddler bed wtf??) and a big box of his toys so my boyfriend takes it over and carries it upstairs to her APARTMENT mind you, and she use to be lazy i guess and not clean or anything so he was shocked to see her house was clean and he said oh you have a nice place, and she said...well thats what happens when you go to college and work hard.... and I am pissed at him CUZ HE DIDNT SAY SHIT!!!! He should have said yamp you live in an apartment, make 12$ hour and im doing you a favor we live in a HOUSE and raise 4 kids just fine... but of course the men never say the things we want them to, they just let it roll off their backs and it makes us crazy! Sometimes I just want to blow up for him i dont know how he deals with them and me haha....poor guy, id go insane already.
Well thats it for today guys, ill catch up later, for now im going to do my best to keep the baby talk under wraps, its to hard and i cant take much more rejection...
ttyl8r
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